I have my career planned out for me just as soon as drumming on the kitchen table with string cheese is recognized as a legitimate instrument by the London PhilharmonicĭARE should implement black jellybeans into the list of shit you should stay away from. Next Opposite day, candy should buy you from a dispensing machine.ĭo all the hotels in Israel have mini torahs in the bedside drawers?
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Kid playing his ringtones in a public area, here's a tune you might not have! It's the theme to "I Have Twelve Sharp Objects In My Backpack Destined For Your Face!" OK IF YOU DIDNT LOVE THAT, YOU AREN'T WORTH MY TIME. Shabbat Shalom, watching David the Gnome, Shabbat Shalom, when you're eating Honeycomb, Shabbat Shalom, when you're in your home, If you see us Friday night you better say Shabbat Shalom, You better listen to our message, better get it through your dome, We got the candles over here and the challah over there,Īnd before we eat in drink we gotta say a little prayer, We build a little hut so we can practice our mitzvot, So the Jews are planting trees every year on Tubishvat, You better let my people go or else I'll plague you with a frog,īut now there's global warming and it's getting kind of hot, Yo in the rain or in the shine or in the snow or in the fog, When Rosh Hashanah comes we'll be at the Synagogue, So get your hands up, and light the menorah I hope this song ends soon because my mouth is getting sore-a, Like Magellan or Columbus I'm a lyrical explora',
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When I eat the bitter herb I get a psychedelic aura, These rhymes are flyin' at you like a giant plague of locustsĪnd if I was a woman then my name'd be Theodora,Īnd if I was Hispanic then my mom'd be called Senora,Īnd if I was thrteen I'd be reciting my Haftorah,Īnd if I had a daughter then I'd probably name her Laura, So get your ass to temple and you better start to pray,Īnd give your props to Moses, and eat lots of Charoses, This junk is mad important like a high holiday, It's getting close to Hanukkah so you better say,ĭreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, Haven't memorized the torah, but I still got lots of time,Įven though we've gone to Hebrew School since 1999Īnother dose of Judaism's comin your way, 'Cause tonight we're gonna party with some Manechewitz wine, Now on Yom Kippur I'm fasting, but I really do feel fine, Just because you're jealous you don't get to have a Seder, Yo don't even step to Passover and be a playa hater, True it may look skanky but that junk is mad delish, Now on every Jewish holiday we eat gefilte fish, My yarmulke is Gucci, and my tallis is from Prada, I'm reading the prayers straight from the Hagaddah, I can tell you the four questions with the skills you never seen-a, Seem Seema, who's sayin' prayers on the beema? We be learning that from Moses when he went to Mt. Or you may just be passed over and you'll get another try, Or you're breakin' a commandment and you're probably gonna die, Hamentashen is a cookie sort of like a jelly roll,Ī grogger is a metal toy that's makin' lots of noise,īat Mitzvah for the girls, Bar Mitzvah for the boys,Īnd if you're talkin' to the G-Man better call him Adoni, Now, the Talmud is a book, the Torah is a scroll, Get your hands up in the air and light the menorah I can play the shofar but I can't play the harmonica, Rockin' the yarmulke, <- pronouced yah-muh-kuh Instead we share the story bout the lights that remained litĪnd stuff our faces with gold coins that are really chocolate! We dont even go to temple or have to waste our time and pray.
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We get 8 full of presents with a candle every day Hanukah is the subject but don't you get me wrongĬhristmas is alright too as long as you're adoringīut just to put it out there i find one day super boring. Now the holidays are coming and I have written a long song